Right, From Their Start

Audio By Carbonatix

It didn’t take long in life for me to realize that I don’t have to try hard to make a staggering mess of everything. In fact, as I look back on my sixty some-odd years, sometimes it’s incredible to recall just how little effort it has taken for me to turn into a blundering idiot. As a boy, for example, I was shooting hoops outside one day, when the ball took a mean bounce and rolled right out into the street. Without so much as a thought about what I was doing, without pausing for a second to even glance both ways like I’d been taught, I bounded into the street after my basketball.

Hearing the sudden squealing of car brakes and a shrieking sound that came from where my mother was standing, I stopped like my feet had been glued to the pavement. Then, as I stood frozen and scared out of my wits, the guy who’d nearly hit me—a police officer, no less—got out of his cruiser and proceeded to instruct me on what should’ve been obvious from the beginning: it’s not a good idea to run headlong into a busy street. What does this story have to do with today? That’s simple. Although I’m not a boy anymore, in a lot of ways I’m still running on the same legs that chased after that stray basketball so many years ago.

I’m thinking specifically about relationships here—in marriage, parenting, and work. Because despite my best efforts to be a good husband, a wise father, and an effective leader, I often feel that I’ve missed the mark. Even when I’m being proactive and logical, thinking about what’s right and trying hard to do it, it’s still easy for me to find out that, in the end, my methods were completely wrong. That’s why over time I’ve become more and more thankful that there are other people around me who’ve figured out how to do things right.

The way I see it, I haven’t managed to do things right from the start, but maybe if I follow the good examples of others, I’ll be able to do things right, from their start. When my kids still lived at home, my wife and I knew some parents whose relationships with their adult children were healthy, close, and personal. That’s what we wanted for our family, so we asked lots of questions of these parents, and we put their advice into practice. I’ve met some business professionals who’ve led their companies with integrity and humility, who’ve finished strong. That’s what I want to do, so I’ve sought their input, asking about which habits are good to adopt and which mistakes I should avoid at all costs.

And then there are those great marriages. Last week I noticed a couple, probably in their seventies, hunched together in one of the back rows at church. Both of them wrinkled and grayed, he was in a wheelchair, and she was on the pew beside him. Their love had so much depth you could practically see it snuggled up between them. I watched for a while, until I absolutely had to walk over and ask what their secret was. “We’re just loving the moment,” they said sweetly. I smiled, amazed. Then I tucked away the image of them in my memory, vowing to follow that example. And I became a slightly better husband right there, thanks to their start.